International Women’s Day Reflections
Originally published on www.respeo.com 5th March 2025
It was once my heart could not be any fuller that my playing field was no longer even. Here the fight began — to maintain my standing, my health, my earnings.
After becoming a mother, the realities of a woman’s existence dawned on me as my shoulders and lower back carried my new burden of unwaged social reproduction. This is what my ancestors warned me against — the shackles of the domesticity I had so little time to immerse myself in; the drudgery of inequitable work. In other ways, during maternity leave, time unfolded before me. Time and energy to create the type of work which would enable me to be there at drop offs, pick-ups and school events.
I was turned down for an academic promotion due to a year’s gap in publications although I was working full time, submitted my completed PhD, had a baby and a toddler, and was navigating through the emotional ad bureaucratic tribulations of a divorce. I had to again swallow the difficult pill of gender disadvantage, though I deeply recognised my position of white privilege, as well as the many men and women who shaped me and cheered me on when I needed them the most.
These new experiences of inequity, becoming a solo parent (a badge I wore with pride for nine magnificently soul-infusing years), the only breadwinner for two, then three, children and two dogs, resulted in me leading several businesses over the years.
ResPeo gave me the precious opportunity to be there for my children and not miss an important event. The trade off has been working into the night, losing sleep, and wearing figurative hats of many styles and hues. Like many women, I am obligated to do far too many things, and I ask myself the question daily as to whether I do any of them well enough. My to-do list grows unceasingly even with feverish activity. I look forward to entering the next era of womanhood where I no longer need to be at high alert to keep my children physically safe and can relearn how to single-task.
I do not belong to the 4am club. Although, I enjoy an early night, and I also like slow mornings. My alarm clock can get in the bin. I rarely feel like I am enough and I admire the women who are activists, artists, social justice champions, and change-makers. Aged 43, I am adapting to the gradual separation of child from mother, and the growing need to put the self front and centre; my body and mind need more nurturance, care, and peace.
Similarly, my longing for professional recognition is no longer all-encompassing. Instead, I am better at asking myself what my needs are and putting in daily effort to meet them. The playing field is now of my own design.
